Written, pencilled, inked : Heath Parker Lail
Hello friends,
Introspection is both a immeasuarably important part of human culture, and simultaneously, a damnable curse...one which I would be done with, if possible. Unfortunately, some things remain too poignant in one's life to simply be forgotten or erased, even by sheer willpower. I find myself in such a state of introspection this night, against my will I might add. Though in reality I am a single individual, I have been shackeled far too long with an indescribable grief off one lost to me. Looking back is one thing that a person must learn not to do, if he or she ever hopes to live a productive life, or at least an unimpeded one. Yet because of the curse of introspection, time and time again I find myself, much as I'm sure all humans do, looking back upon events in the past, and seeing faults that were invisible at the time, yet clearly plain upon second or third, or perhaps one thousandth inspections. Tonight I believe that curse of introspection has served me a blessing as well as a curse. It has provided me with a simple truth that many have told me over the months and years, and it is advice that I myself have dispensed to those in need of its balm upon occassion--the fact that the past is just that, and there is no changing it.
I mean to say, that one may look fondly upon certain times in his or her life, and see happiness, or perhaps in a different situation they may see the darkest of days, some fact or action they may wish to erase from memory for all time, should they live forever. One must learn that if it were possible to tamper with what was in order to change what could be, most likely irreparable damage to all involved would be the likeliest liklihood to occur. Therefore, we must be content to hurt, laugh or cry for a time, then look upon these days only as history in one's personal movie of life, and not take them to heart such that it inflicts pain upon the rest of their lives. I know many friends whom I've counseled over the years in this very situation, yet I missed the cues in mine own life. Therefore, one must always be vigilant that the dreaded "What if?..." does not pervade deeply into the daily thought processes, lest hours be lost on simple wishing, longing or crying, which produces a great sense of catharsis to the person for a time, but in fact produces nothing more than additional baggage onto their already heavily-laden back.
The thingthat pushed me into this state of personal distress was the movie "the Butterfly Effect". In the movie, the main character longs to resurrect long-forgotten romantic interests, doing far more permanent damage in the process. He thusly attempts to rectify his situation by "going back" and changing certain aspects of the whole, which disrupts the natural flow of time and causes each new "adventure" to be more bleak than the last; in addition, each disruption of the natural flow causes irrepairable damage to the original, eventually leading him to do something drastic in order to ensure that original situation never occurs. I myself have personally had thoughts of these "heroic fantasies", in which I place myself in various situations where I seek only to help the person whom I miss greatly, yet WITHOUT FAIL, SOMETHING always turns sour, and things are made worse for my interference. This movie has made me realize that were I to "go back" a thousand times, the outcome would either be exactly the same as my current situation, or perhaps made worse by my hand. Therefore, it is best to simply forget the pain this situation has caused me, and move on from it, forging ahead to greater glory and eventual success as a professional psychologist, and perhaps a comic book writer or novelist as well. I consider the lesson learned this evening an important one, and one which should not be taken lightly. That lesson is this--
IF YOU LOVE SOMEONE, THEN GIVE IT YOUR ALL, LOVE AS DEEPLY AS YOU WISH, BUT IF THINGS ARE NOT TO BE, THEY WILL NOT WORK. THERE IS NOTHING THAT CAN CHANGE THAT FACT. IF THE ONE WHOM YOU ARE SMITTEN WITH NO LONBGER LOVES YOU, OR CHOOSES ANOTHER, THEN IT IS ABOVE WHAT ANYONE SAVE GOD CAN DO TO CHANGE THEIR HEART. KNOW THIS...YOU HAVE DONE ALL YOU CAN, AND THERE IS NO REASON TO DWELL ON "WHAT IF?..." OR HOW THINGS COULD HAVE BEEN. YOU MUST NOT ALLOW THIS TO STOP YOU FROM LOVING DEEPLY, AS IT IS THE ONLY TRUE LOVE. LOVE WITHOUT FULL SUPPORT FROM ONE'S HEART IS LOVE NOT WORTH THE EFFORT, AND LOVE NOT WORTH MOURNING. LOVE WITH ALL YOUR HEART AND BEING, OR NOT AT ALL. TELL THOSE WHOM YOU LOVE HOW YOU FEEL DAILY, AS THERE MAY NOT BE ANOTHER CHANCE TO SHOW THEM YOUR AFFECTION. ONLY THOSE WHO RESPOND POSITIVELY TO THIS AFFECTION ARE WORTH PURSUING...ALL OTHERS ARE WORTHLESS AND BELOW YOU.
Love your God, your self, and others deeply, and do not stop for anything, nor anyone. If someone tells you that you are wrong for this, then they are little more than a damned fool, and you are all the wiser for this knowledge, as you should no longer associate with them. Love deeply, love passionately...take a long moonlit walk with the one you love, and never forget to show them that they are special, every single day you shall live. Most importantly, never forget those whom have stood by you through trials, and heed their advice...more often than not, it is sage advice, and it will save you much heartache later if you heed it now.
Love to you all, may you all be blessed beyond your worth,
Heath
