Issue 185- "I'm Happy"

Written, pencilled, inked by: Heath P. Lail

Hey guys...wow, it's been almost a month since my last post--I gotta get better at this. Anyway, just dropping in to see if how the Cafe is faring, and say that I hope everyone has a great weekend. I don't watch animation very often anymore, but I just finished Disney/Pixar's Cars, and it was absolutely amazing. I was highly impressed by the whole experience, and if you haven't seen it, I highly recommend you check it out rather than catching the latest slasher flick at the local Cineplex 2. You'll have a lot more fun:) Later

H

 

Issue 184- "A Death in the Family"

Written, penciiled, inked by: HPL

My dog is dead...my beautful little angel is gone. Taken away from me and I wasn't even here to help her, to let her know I loved her. I don't know how much more can be taken away from me but I'm starting to hate this shit...I can't take much more of this, emotionally. Damn it...

Issue 183- "(Post) Halloween Movie Madness, Fini"

Written, pencilled, inked by: HPL

Hey folks...got a few more movie reviews here for ya.

First up is Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. It stars Jim Carrey and Kate Winslet and is very confusing upon first viewing. It throws alot at you emotionally, and while you are trying to catch everything then it grabs you by the shoulders and spins you around in a circle to make you dizzy and off-balance. It reminds me of two other movies like it, Click with Adam Sandler and The Butterfly Effect with Ashton Kutcher. The biggest thing all three of these movies share is the fact that the "hero" is losing or has lost everything in his world that makes sense to him and every time he tries to put the pieces back together as they were before, it simply makes things worse. Here, Jim meets Kate's character (Clementine) and they fall head over heels for one another quickly--too quickly it seems as the whirlwind romance is over as quick as it began, and Carrey's character finds out that Clementine has had a procedure done to completely erase him from her memory, so that she can move on without anymore hurt. He decides to do the same, but through the course of the movie, they come to realize that they do love each other, despite their faults and differences. Yet this discovery is bitterwseet, because even as he realizes their love can continue, the programmers are busy wiping his brain clean of all memories of Clementine. In the end they meet again, and decide that even though they are very different, they can make things work if they just try. I enjoyed this movie, though I think it will take a second viewing to soak all there was to catch in.

The second movie I watched last night was Manhunter. It starred William Peterson (yes, of CSI fame...whoopy lol) as Will Graham, a former police detective/profiler who successfully caught Hannibal Lecter (or Lecktor in this film). Thus it holds a special place for me as a Lecter purist, as it is his first screen appearance. Hannibal is played in this movie by Brian Cox, though in the other three movie installments (Silence of the Lambs, Red Dragon(a remake of Manhunter) and Hannibal) Dr. Lecter is played by the unbeatable Sir Anthony Hopkins. Anywho, this movie is better the second time around for a few reasons...first, the first time I saw this movie I was with my friend Brooke who was/is rather attractive so that was a distraction that was not available this time around (not that I'm complaining about being distracted by the presence of beautiful women...bring on tha wimmens!) and secondly, I realized that the film is rather dated. It seems mired in the 80s...whereas director Michael Mann's hit show Miami Vice thrived on the pomp and flash of the 80s, the overtones here seem to take away from the film's overall "punch". Therefore I was able to enjoy it more once I realized that (along with Anthony Hopkins missing) was the main reason I had not enjoyed it on my previous viewing. Kinda like if you realize WHY you don't like a ceretain ice cream or food, you appreciate the food more because you realize it has merit, though not for you and your taste buds. Overall, with those above-mentioned "problems" changed, I looked at the film in a brand-new light...even though I still don't hold this film in as high regard as the Hopkins films, I could see Brian Cox channeling the same kind of spirit that Hopkins would later pin down famously.

I highly recommend both of these films for when you have a night in and nothing to do...they will both make you think, and give you great entertainment. And that's the whole reason behind movies right? 

Issue 182- "Happy Halloween"

Written, pencilled, inked by: Heath P. Lail

Hey folks...I'm pooped. Just thought I'd drop in and say I hope everyone had a safe, fun Halloween Eve--or Samhain, if you are so inclined;) May you all sleep well tonight and wake refreshed in the mornin'...

 

Issue 181- "Fill-in"

Written by: Heath Parker Lail 

Pencilled/Inked by: Stephen R. Bissette

Hey folks. Lemme welcome you to a special fill-in issue of Clerk's Cafe. I've been going strong for a while now, so I decided to have my ol' buddy Steve Bissette come in and do the art chores this time 'round. Here's one of Steve's pages that he sent me the original of...hope you all enjoy! Later

 

 

Issue 180- "Halloween Movie Havok, Part the First"

Written, pencilled, inked by: HPL

Well, I just got through my first movie of the Halloween Movie Season--the original Texas Chainsaw Massacre from the 70s. It's humorous...my Dad is an ex-Marine and he has said on multiple occassions that he will not watch that movie because it is too much for him; conversely, I rather enjoyed it. This was a strange movie...it was grainy and stank of realism, two things that today's remakes and blockbusters lack. Today, filmmakers seek to entertain the movie masses through CGI effects and hyper-reality plots.

This movie was simply--visceral. The context I use that word in is this...after watching it I realized why it affected my Dad in the way it did--the movie just seems so damn real. It seemed like if you and four friends are out in the backwoods and start exploring, you might stumble upon such a situation in reality, and the end results would be the same as the fate suffered by the kids in the movie. There was no blood-splattering gorefest scenes or slow strangulations with bulging eyes...they were literally rendered unnecessary by the reality of the damn thing. All I can say, is if you haven't seen this movie, check it out. You will be entertained. You will be scared. You will be suprised by the blunt-force trauma this flick will inflict on your senses. More to come...

H

Issue 179- "Crash and Burn Part Four: All ye who enter here..."

Written, pencilled, inked by: HPL

Hey folks. I survived my tour of duty in Unit West, and made new friends in the process. In fact, I've considered taking a few hours more for a woman who's going on vacation next week. But that juicy stuff is for when I have more time and energy;) for now, it's good to be home.

H

 

Issue 178- "Crash and Burn Part Three: Terminal Velocity"

Written, pencilled, inked by: HPL

I found my Holy Grail today...Miracleman #15 in Near Mint/Mint condition--and I bought it:)

Hope everyone else finds their day as productive as mine:)

H

 

Issue 177- "Crash and Burn Part Two: Gearing Up"

Written, pencilled, inked by: HPL

Hullo again, folks. So far I'm at least semi-daily on keeping y'all informed as to my daily comings and goings. Just wanted to drop you a small piece of a story I've been working on...its called "Sector 31: UW". Enjoy

"...and I came upon the massive building complex, layered in brick and mortar. I had been there, years before--but this time things were very different. Windows were shattered out, the front doors lay ajar and there was a faint smell of something I should have remembered but couldn't seem to place. I walked up to the doors...though they had seemed broken from afar, I realized that I needed my keys to enter the complex. I was probably the only person who had these keys anymore. Glancing around one last time, I unlocked the front bolt with a resounding thud.

   As I stepped inside, I began to recall memories of that place...faces whose names I could no longer recall seemed to smile at me from the corners of darkness in the main lobby. Someone had called me here--why, I didn't know; but I was sure that the person would reveal themself and their intentions soon enough. I slid past furniture that hadn't been used in 15 years...ever since the accident that closed this place down. A strange fog seemed to permeate the the entire building, as though my opening the door had let the outside world in for the first time in almost two decades. There on the lobby desk lay a open ledger, but the cleanliness of the book proved that it was much newer than anything else in this place, as though it was only purchased a few weeks earlier. Everything else seemed ancient in its design. I eased over to the ledger...there was a name written there--mine. In blood. Human blood at that. Suddenly the lobby phone rang; once, twice, then stopped abruptly. I heard the front door slam shut as a gust of wind grabbed hold of it. If I had kept my entering a secret, it was now definitely a secret no longer. I decided to be proactive and search for whomever had called me to this site, rather than simply waiting around for a grand revealing. I called the elevator, and suprisingly heard a thud as the car slid down towards the lobby doors...." 

To Be Continued--

Issue 176- "Crash and Burn Part 1: Aftermath"

Written, pencilled, inked by: Heath Parker Lail

Well I've survived (so far) 175 previous issues. I've lost lovers, friends, regained said friends and added a new (hopefully-long term) subscriber and friend to the mag. I'm tired tonight but I just wanted to tell you all that I am chinking away at these guys, one or two at a time. Whenever possible, I pull them to the side and talk to them for 5-10 minutes about why they need to reform and try to reenter society as productive citizens. I think I'm making headway with a few of them. I try not to talk down to them (though I personally dislike dumbing my way of speech down I understand these are KIDS) and give them positive steering, peppered with a lil advice from my own life when relevant.

In other Parkwood news, I'm being put on the West Unit on Monday from 3P-11P. Entering the West Unit can best be described like entering the sleepy little video-game town of Silent Hill. Creepy, shrouded in mystery and fog, and you might just not make it out alive. Why you ask? Oh, the West Unit is just the Psychotic Adult Unit. It's only the guys seeing things on the wall and such--the real creepy-crawlies and hidden dangers of Parkwood Hospital. Cross your fingers that I don't meet my personal Hannibal Lecter Monday evening...otherwise, should be fun;)  

Well, more to come in the days ahead...even if I do not post again until then, I will post of my adventures in Unit West late Monday night as it promises to be different than my experiences thus far. I wouldn't recommend letting the kids stay up to read the Journal that night...it might contain PG-13, NC-17 or perhaps even XXX-rated contents. Sleep well... 

H

Issue 175- "75th Anniversary Issue"

Written, pencilled, inked by : Heath P. Lail

Welcome, one and all to the special 75th Anniversary Issue of Clerk's Cafe! What's that? You say that if it had been around for 75 years I'd be 100 years old (and more than likely writing this post-humously)? Oh well friends, let me clarify....it is not the 75th Anniversary of this Journal--it is in celebration of the 75th Anniversary of Bela Lugosi's stunning performance of the legendary bloodsucker in 1931's "Dracula". I bought this movie last night at Wal-Mart...I knew I was going to be home sick today so I figured I might as well enjoy my illness as much as possible by watching a good flick I'd never seen. It came down between Dracula and the 75th Ann. Edition of Frankenstein, with actor Boris Karloff in that title role. After watching this movie and enjoying it in grand fashion, I think that Franky might come home with me as well, in order to complete the collection (Universal's Legacy Series).

I enjoy horror stories...my dating life thus far has been one (insert rimshot). Seriously, though. I have always heard that these movies are classic for one reason or another, but have never seen either of them. As soon as I popped the disc in, I could tell I was in for a treat (though I did think it funny that while most animated movies do not warrant a change in the Level Settings of my PS2, a film from 1931 that is tame caused me to up the level to view). The menu had a great snippet of the score playing while a massive picture of Lugosi glares out at viewers. Though most people point and laugh at old films such as this, I enjoy watching black and white productions from time to time though I do chuckle and chortle as well at the campiness of some things. Watching old films and newsreels in B&W gives our generation a gimpse into the movies while they were still conssidered "magic". There was an aura of imagination and fiction to these stories, unlike today's movies where we want to find "perfect love" (never happen in a million years, kids...trust me) or action heroes who do things most guys would never be able to do when dropped into the same situation with exactly the same tools at their disposal. Don't get me wrong--I enjoy current movies as well as the next guy or gal...but watching old stuff just takes you back to a time and place that no longer exists.

Anyway, the movie has been restored remarkably well considering its age and there are no pops,dark moments or any visible defects that I can tell after viewing it. The other great thing about old movies is, they are incredibly short. I think this whole movie ran maybe an hour, tops. No three and four hour Titanics or Lord of the Rings here. These movies were straight and to the point, though they included a lot of pomp and flair into these short productions. There was something that is missing from most current flicks--actual acting. You can feel the emotion put out by these actors...it is more than reading lines, grabbing throats and getting the maximum amount of shock value from viewers. Instead, it is slower and more intimate (and like I said, at an hour it is over reasonably quick if you do decide you hate it). These actors wanted you to feel the intensity of the moment rather than simply say "Oh he's dead...just watch...it's over for him...". They wanted you to care about the characters more than anything else--they loved playing these parts, and thought you should love their bits as much as they did.

I'm going off on a tangent, I can tell...its the meds I think lol All I can say sit down and watch this movie sometime. Even if you laugh all the way through it and never experience a quiet moment because of the "bit acting", then it'll all be over in an hour and you can say that you've seen one of the greatest classic horror movies of all time. AND you had fun. And isn't that what movies are all about?

Til next time...I remain

Heath P. Lail

 

Issue 174-"Say G'night, Gracie..."

Written, pencilled, inked by: HPL

99 bottles of Nyquil on the wall, 98 bottles--hic--of Nyquil...97, or was it 95 ah who gives a shiiii......

 

 

Issue 173- "Dammit, Jim...I'm a Mental Health Tech, not a Movie Tech!"

Written, pencilled, inked by: Heath P. Lail

Hullo folks. I had a great issue 173 lined up the other day but got to talking to Joy and it may now be gone forever. That's ok, though...I've notes on it and it may be the subject for the ever-approaching anniversary issue 175--or it may not, as it doesn't seem quite as relevant in my life as it did at the time. Anywho...

I went with a bunch of friends last night to see The Marine with John Cena, famous for his portrayal as the Numero Uno Wigger in the World Wrestling Entertainment Co. I would have rather gone to see TCM:The Beginning, but once I got into the movie I was hooked. John was doing an excellent job, and the actress that played his wife was quite easy on the eyes so I began to enjoy it. Well, about an hour after the movie started and was starting to get REALLY GOOD, the screen goes blank and the house lights go up.

A Malco staffer comes in to tell us it is a slight projection problem, just give em 5 minutes and all will be right in the world (at least as far as the movie was concerned;). Well, ten minutes later, another hapless lackey enters from the other side to tell its coming...just five more minutes. By this time we are getting a lil bit upset, as we paid our five bucks to get into this moth-eaten "Theatre" to sit down and watch a movie that the projector doesn't seem to get along with. After yet another 5 minutes, the head lackey appears and tell everyone that the projector has died, and that the viewing is cancelled. We have two choices...we can go see another movie or we can go back out into the cold dark night and wait 30 minutes in line to get our refund. My friend Brian and I decided to get refunds, so his whole crew decided they would wait in the car while froze our asses off getting a refund. Nice, huh? Anyway, I told Brian that we should go inside and get our refund and once inside we found that we weren't the only ones not willing to wait outside while our internal organs and blood froze, making us zombies. Eventually, they opened the other box office just for refunds and we were able to go home. Actually, they went to Huddle House in Olive Branch but I was tired and I think I've caught a spot of this "bug" that seems to be going around so I went back home. The theatre offered to let us watch another viewing of The Marine but I was skeptical at the least...the night after Friday the 13th, the projector breaks and you want me to go re-watch the first hour of a movie, all the while hoping that THIS projector doesn't break at some point? No thanks.  

I DID have an enjoyable evening, overall. It allowed me to go out with some friends and have a little fantasy rather than the harsh reality I will be presented with the next 6 days. I love my job, but honestly, the little things most of us take for granted (like going to movies, dates, reading, etc.) now shine in my mind as important because they allow us to escape the rigors of reality for a little while and simply enjoy ourselves. Hopefully everyone has had a great weekend, and I'll catch y'all on the flip side.

H

 

Issue 172- " Checking in..."

Written, pencilled, inked by: Heath P Lail

Hullo, folks. Just thought I would swing by the Cafe and see what's hangin', as well as update everyone on my first week of ASOP duty, a Funeral for a Friend, and more.

Well, I started the ASOP Unit at Parkwood this week. I am of course sworn to confidentiality in regards to names and indentifying remarks, as these kids may one day sucessfully assimilate back into the general populace. If that were to happen and they read incriminating remarks on this lovely Internet, well...things could look bleak for ol' Heath's chances of being the Doctor of Psychology that Miss Brooke is always telling him he will be one day. Anywho...overall, I think I shifted into the job itself rather easily. It is quite different from my last two jobs, where the hardest part was dealing with some gap-toothed rednecks screaming about the lack of Red Man snuff (@ the Grocery Store...it made me wanna snuff them out:) or "NAS-Car" ( The Comics Shop/Fan Merchandise Store)--by the way, it is physically impossible to reproduce here the sound effect made by a NASCAR fan when they try to actually annunciate the word NASCAR. It, much like the Rebel Yell has been lost to the Mists of Time. Don't get me wrong, that Mists of Time store has some neat shit, but the correct pronunciation of NASCAR is not among their often-browsed items.

Moving on...I have been told repeatedly that the kids have gone easy on me this week. I don't know how to react to that statement, because the last two nights of this shift, one kid acted out both nights and Friday night we were forced to call an MAB. We thought we were gonna have to restrain the kid in the Quiet Room last night but he finally pulled himself together. Most of the kids seem to respect my physical presence, though I am somewhat short-statured. I learned this in earnest last night when I simply walked around the Dayroom during the MAB. As soon as I came out of the back hallway where the restraint bed lays, the room was hushed and the kids just kinda stared at me...I never knew I could command that kind of authority, but it felt nice to be respected that way. I usually have a rather fast gait and short step, but I walked slowly around them last night--maybe they picked up on my attitude.

So far, my 4 kids have behaved themselves for the most part and have been courteous. One kid bothers me because he has an intense stare. He appears calm during these periods, but it is almost one of those "I'm looking at something you can't see" stares, and those can get a person in quite a bit of trouble out in the real world. It only lasts a few seconds, but I'm trying to help him with it. Another kid is constantly on FOCUS, which means he must be doing SOMETHING to stay there (or perhaps he is in-between Level Reviews...I'll check his charts when I go in Tuesday). FOCUS is effectively the "Dunce Hat" place in the ASOP hierarchy. If one is in FOCUS, it means he is relegated to staring at the wall and has fewer speaking priviledges than the Basic, Level 1, Level 2, etc. folks. The Level Systems and Point Systems are for another night--too much to get into now, and I haven't mastered the Points Sys. quite yet. The third kid is kinda hyper, and seems to feed off attention like a leech is drawn to a powerfully-scented food source. Other than that, he seems to be somewhat normal...though we all know he isn't if he ended up at ASOP. The last guy is generally helpful and mostly gets in trouble for speaking out of turn or without raising his hand. I keep meaning to grab their individual charts and read them while they are sleeping (after 9:30 PM) so I can find out what landed each of them in the program but I forget every night, and once I'm on door duty, I cannot leave my post for any reason short of the Wicked Witch shooting lightening bolts outside our cottage. I will do that Tuesday though because I'm genuinely interested in helping these kids as much as possible. That's the short version of my job...more to come (Points/Level Systems, etc.). Oh one last bit of info...these kids are all between 12-17 and one kid has double-digit offences against him. Isn't that scary if you plan on having kids?

Also, I had to attend a funeral today. My friend Alicia Barbour's husband Anthony was killed in a car wreck Monday night. He left behind a 24-year old widow with a broken leg (from a horse tossing her two weeks ago) and a beautiful little boy, Collyn. He was 24, and was taken far too soon. Things like this always make me remember my own mortality, as I have had my fair share of crashes over the years. I am taking up  donations for Alicia, as she will be off from work for at least the next few weeks but life (and bills) still go on. Rest in Piece, Walter Anthony Barbour, Jr. You will be sorely missed, but I know you are up in Heaven, and we will see you again one day.

In closing tonight, I would like to recommend a book I bought today, and thanks to the relative shortness of the book as well as my voracious reading appetite (both a boon and a bane:( I finished tonight. It is The Alchemist by Paulo Coehlo, and it clocks in at only 167 pages. It tells of Santiago, a simple shepard who seeks a great treasure that was fortold would be his, but along the way he learns many lessons. These lessons are far more valuable than the treasure he seeks--while treasure makes one rich, it does necessarily teach the holder of such wealth lessons of wisdom or morality. It cannot teach a heart how to expand, or help one experience true growth in far away countries. For example, while being rich can get you to Europe, what if your riches vanished upon your arrival in Rome? Would you have the heart to pick yourself up and build the necessary means to return home by working inn a lowly position and saving every penny and dime (or Franc and Euro, I suppose)? Then, if you managed to rebuild your wealth (or exceed it), would you simply tuck tail and run home to the comfortable or would you seek adventure? This book chronicles the growth of young Santiago, and is one of the best books I've read in quite awhile. Highly recommended.

G'night folks. Sleep well and remember to let those you love know the depth of your concern every day you wake up.

-H

Issue 171-"Uh oh..."

Written, pencilled, inked by: Heath P. Lail

I just had a weird thought run through my head...I miss the Academic world. Odd, is it not that now that I have finished the world of tests, boring professors and large textbooks, that I want to go back? This has nothing to do with the fact that I am hopefully gonna get a full-time job soon--I'm not scared by that prospect. It's just that I miss being challenged intellectually. I can sit here and read book after book but without someone to hold an intelligent discussion about the material I'm reading, it's rather boring, to tell the truth. What does this mean? I don't know...it would be odd for even my fires to be re-lit so soon after feeling burnt completely out the last two years of school, but it hit me earlier tonight...wonder what God has in store for me? More later...

H

Issue 170-"Used"

Written, pencilled, inked by: Heath P. Lail

I have been used, and I am just really angry right now. No more, I'm sick of being the one that always gives a damn about people, then I get used over and over. Well, no more I say. I'm sick and tired of being a damn pincushion that people think they can poke and prod at--to hell with caring about everyone anymore. I try and try and no one ever seems to care about me enough to come visit me or anything, so why bother? I think I'm gonna go cry and break stuff right now...

Issue 169- "Love"

Written, pencilled, inked by: Heath P. Lail

I'm sure you've heard the saying "Better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all". I think it is very true. Sure, I had my heart ripped out at the end of my last two relationships but I learned valuable experience through both experiences, and I'm a richer person for the pain and tears they cost. Perhaps a person must be broken into nothing before they can heal, rather than simply cracking a little at a time. But once they are at the bottom of the well, looking up--knowing that a light still shines to guide them up from the depths...that is when a person must choose to climb out to the light, or to simply hide deeper within the well of grief and pain. Relationships are inherently personal. Even though it takes two to have a relationship, whether it be a friendship or something more, each person has much to gain or lose through knowing the other person on a deep level. They can be hurt so deeply that the well grows ever-deeper, or they can find a love that is indescribably full and so rich that every day is truly a new adventure.

My point, to be short, is that we all must find the strength to climb out of the well. Because if we don't, what is the purpose of relationships at all? If we expect pain a nd hardship, will we not receive it everywhere we turn? Yet if we search for love and growth, it too can easily be found. If you are hurting tonight, then look inside yourself, and find that light, no matter how dim and crawl, limp, or dash towards it, that you may find comfort and love again.

H

 

Issue 168- "Thoughts"

Written, pencilled, inked by : Heath P. Lail

I went to see World Trade Center today in theatres, and it has got me thinking again...it is only in times of great distress are we truly tested for who we are. If someone is a total ass, would he/she die acting as such or would he see his great error and attempt to save a child's life, knowing their own was forfeit by this action? Or would a man/woman who had saved hundreds of lives over the years (lifeguard, police officer) run as a scared coward away from such devastation, as the cries of the innocent thunder behind them? It is in these times where our humanity is tried, and the true heroes stand tall in order to protect the weak and those unwilling to rise.

As I watched the movie, I was moved by the selfless acts performed by the rescue teams in saving even one life. Though the movie was scripted and Nic Cage was never in true danger, real men and women lived out that situation almost five years ago...the important thing is that we never forget those who sacrificed all so that others might live. For if we forget our humanity, then there is no reason left for living. I've my secrets, as do we all, but I like to think of myself as a moral man, one who values life above all else. That is why I entered Psychology...I want to help those whom others would simply seek to destroy as monsters or lock away in the darkest corners to be forgotten by the passage of time for horrible acts that happened years earlier. Though I agree that if I had a teenage daughter and a known felon who was incarcerated because of raping young girls wanted to stay at my house because of a natural disaster threatening his life, I would weigh the situation heavily before making the decision with my entire family. My point is that we must believe that even the undesirables in life have a chance to be redeemed, and there life is inherently worth trying to save, else we threaten to toss humanity and morality out the window. Though you don't know the intentions of the guy in the car behind you, we must not judge people on appearances...Lord knows most of my dates have been possible because of my rapier wit and outgoing personality, not necessarily because I'm an Adonis. Most girls look for the Adonis, but an Adonis with no moral compass is no greater a man than some kid with acne all over who couldn't lift a bag of groceries. I also learned another thing...

If you love someone, then tell them. Everyday. If it is your mother, fine. Tell her. Your single Dad trying to make it through each day as much as you and your siblings are? Tell him. If it is a lover or even an enemy, tell them. Leave no one out...leave no regrets if you should die in the next five seconds.  I know it will be inevitable, but I honestly don't want to have anyone in my lifetime think "I wonder if he loved me" as they lower my cold carcass into the dirt. And I definitely don't want to look down and say "look at so n so....I never knew he/she cared so much about me. I should have reciprocated those feelings." As someone who relys on good people skills for my chosen profession, it would be a blight on my reputation (no matter how small a blight) if there was someone out there who left my life unsatisfied with my treatment of them if it were due to a failing on my part. I understand that some people simply can not be happy and no matter what I did they would not like me, but I must do my best. As must we all. In closing...

I love everyone who reads this....with all my heart and passion. If you ever need for anything at all, do not hesitate to call and I will help you as best I can. May you all have a great night. We will talk again soon.

HPL

 

 

Issue 167- "The River Styx"

Written, pencilled and inked by: Heath P. Lail

I had a helluva time at the Styx concert last night...I enjoyed that concert more than anything I've done in quite a while. It was good to hang out with Samantha, and even though we were tired by the end of the night, it was worth the time, effort and gas. Thanks for inviting me, Sam. It felt good to get out and do something instead of sitting at home bored or lonely.

Well, time to go...gonna run with Mom up to Memphis, let her shop and me run by the comic store. Til next time...

HPL

 

 

Issue 166- "Funeral for a Friend"

Written, pencilled, inked by: Heath P. Lail

Rest in Piece, Vernon David Crook, Sr. (1942-2006)

We will all miss you...Godspeed, my friend and former co-worker.

 

HPL

 

.

 

Issue 165- "Philosophy Reborn"

Written, pencilled, inked by: Heath Parker Lail

Well, after a long sabbatical from deep thinking, let's plunge into a very deep, relevant age-old question...if God is a just, perfectly moral being who allows no evil purely for the sake of evil, how is it that innocent children perish everyday and have so for hundreds of years from diseases such as the Black Plague and from random gunshots? That is the question that is addressed in Albert Camus's excellent novel, The Plague, of which a small portion was placed in my old Philosophy textbook.

Dr. Rieux is a doctor in the novel, an agnostic who refuses to believe in a God so cruel that he punishes innocent children to death in seemingly inhuman ways, such as prolonged suffering caused by contracting the Black Plague. Father Paneloux is a priest who earlier in the book gave a rather damning sermon, blaming people's lack of faith and less-than-Godly lifestyles as the catalyst for why the Plague has come upon them. It is being used to punish those who refuse to live God-fearing lives. Therefore, both characters see things from opposite sides of the river...Rieux seeks to cure the Plague because of his love for his fellow man, and a hatred of suffering rather than out of faith in God.  Father Paneloux seeks to blame sinners for this dreaded Plague that threatens to wipe them out. Yet as he watches this one particular child suffer, he falls to his knees and cries out to God that he may spare the life of this child...the end result is that the child dies after a long bout of suffering. Does this prove that Dr. Rieux is correct? That there is no God above that will deliver us when we are faithful and obidient? Or does it say that the child was not without sin, and deserved to die?

My personal faith leads me to say that the child had served his purpose in life...Rieux himself noted that he struggled longer against the Plague than most--perhaps his death was the key to unlocking the failures of the antidote which he and others were provided with. An agnostic would call this story an example of needless suffering on the child's part...why could he not die quickly, and receive little pain? After all, he was just a child. My answer to that would be that sometimes the burdens hardest to bear are put on small shoulders, as they are the only ones with faith pure enough to conquer the doubts and fears that we as adults harbor in the recesses of our hearts and minds. With many adults, we see only tasks that can not be completed...therefore completely overlooking more important, smaller tasks that require only a pure faith, one not weakended by self-doubts. We refuse to see these because we feel that they are beneath us, and we become accustomed to overlooking them, staring far ahead into the big picture instead. Thogh I myself question the big picture motives behind such things as the 6 year old who was attacked by someone she trusted, I understand that this is simply the moral breakdown of the society (personally, I think they oughta handcuff him and throw him out of a car in Orange Mound with a white hood on...but hey thats just me...) and that these things will unfortunately inevitably occur more and more often as the country moves away from it's faith-based upbringing into a more agnostic, faithless society. That is why I chose Psychology as my field of study...so that the motives of these morally empy humans can be understood, all the better to protect moral, upstanding citizens from further cruelty and violence. More later this week but--

Until then I remain...

Heath Parker Lail

Issue 164- "Old Friends"

Written, pencilled, inked by: Heath P Lail

Well, I went to Oxford yesterday to put in my resume cover letter and transcript to Communicare of Oxford, a mental health facility. After looking around for a few minutes while I was there, I think this place covers more mentally retarded folks and hospice care than mentally deranged stabbers or stranglers. That is probably to my benefit. Anyway, they seemed really happy that someone, ANYONE was answering their ad in the Pigeon Roost. That means I'll have to be a little careful if I'm asked back for an interview...if the pay isn't great (or at least enough to cover my gas/travel 5 days a week) and its too low-level a job, I may not take it. Experience is great but not if it doesn't pay the bills. Thumbs up anyway kids...I need a job.

After that, I met my friend Tara at the local Oxford Zaxby's. I don't know if I've changed that much over the years except perhaps getting a little taller, but Tara has stayed the same, except she looks a lil better than when we were in school. She was still very nice and polite as well...the epitome of a southern belle. We talked about school, old times and the fact that when she is done in a few years, she will have been in school for around 20 years. I told her that when I go back for grad school in psychology it'll be another 5 years before I'm done with that so I know where she's coming from. We decided that her boyfriend and I should meet, and that she, I, Jeff and Elizabeth should all do lunch one day in Memphis...hopefully we can pull that together sometime soon, because that if I have to take that job at Communicare then it would be difficult for me to meet them all. All in all, it was a really fun day, and it felt good to go to Oxford for reasons other than classes. Until next time...

H

 

 

Issue 163- "Holiday"

written, pencilled, inked by: HPLL

Ahem...well, yes you see...it's...ah, ta Hell with it. I've been busy ok? Anywho, have a safe and fun holiday today, and remember to just kick back and relax with a few good friends. May God Bless You all, and our nation as well.

Heath

 

Issue 162- "A Return to Greatness Part Two: An Interlude"

Everything by: Heath Parker Lail

Hi folks, sorry I haven't been around lately but life has called, and I've done my best to answer. Hopefully I'll finish my thoughts on Plato's Symposium another night. It gave me focus though, these few days off. I will now attempt to use them to the best of my ability.

You know, I think music is a window into our soul. It can bring out great emotion through the movement of but a few strings upon a guitar, a beat upon a drum, a clarinet's tones or any other number of exotic and exciting instruments. I myself prefer a slow song sang with authority, with an acoustic guitar as the only accompanying instrument. There is something simplistically powerful in an acoustic guitar--I can't put my finger on it, but how can such a non-complex instrument provide one with such a sense of awe? I just don't understand. Then again, I do not choose to...if I were able to play one instrument, I would choose an acoustic guitar; not for its simplicity, no...instead, I would choose it because of the raw power it evokes. Unfortunately, my "physical difficulty" with my left hand caused by a stroke when I was four days old denies me this simple pleasure.

Still, I am able to enjoy the talents of others, and am therefore more humble overall. For without humility, not one of us would want to live--the unchecked vanity in the world would render everyday living impossible within a matter of hours. Therefore, to those of you who have often wondered why it is that I enjoy Dave Matthews Band as I do, this was the answer...it feeds not only my mind, but my very soul. It fills the sense of loneliness that invades my life every so often, from a lack of partner. For me, there is no more enjoyable thing to do on starry nights than listen to DMB (or another acoustic artist), stare up at the sky, and realize that life is a grand thing, and that my loneliness will end one day; soon, I am sure of it.

Poetry fills my heart, then. If music soothes my soul, then it is left to poetry to sustain my heart. Reading poetry is not always as popular to me as creating my own poems...yes, I feel as though poetry is the act of creation. When one is crafting a poem, the world becomes still--it requires focus, and nearly 100 percent of one's concentration for a successful session. Life becomes nothing more than a chance to tell the story this poem wishes to expose, whether it be sorrow over lost love, a song of heroes, or fantasies of the heart's desire. Poetry spills from the heart, pouring one's total emotions onto the page as each word is exhumed from his/her very being; it is taxing, true...but oh so rewarding when the process is complete. If you wish to read one of my rawest emotional poems, go to www.poetry.com and look up the title "Intrigue" under my name. Perhaps it shall inspire you to write something of your own.

Finally, we come to the mind. What feeds my mind, you ask? Literature, I shall reply. Not just ANY Literature though...Unconventional Literature. Literature that others dismiss as folly, or simply fantasy. One such medium is comic books. "Comic books!?" one might scoff, but as I live and breathe, this is perhaps our most important medium in literature, and it is slowly dying. though I do enjoy the often pointless fisticuffs involved in superhero titles such as the Amazing Spider-Man, when I speak of Comic Literature, I mean works such as Sandman by Neil Gaiman & et al., Swamp Thing by Moore/Bissette/Totleben/Veitch/Alcala, Promethea by Alan Moore and J.H. Williams III, Silver Surfer by Stan Lee and John Buscema and more.

Sandman contains some of the most dynamic and ambitious storylines I've seen in a long time, comics or otherwise. Swamp Thing seeks to help promote intellectual thought, all the while robed in a simple "muckman monster" comic clothing. Promethea expands the medium on so many phases it is almost impossible to define the series in mere words...raw emotion fills this need best, and it is best for it to be a particular reader's emotion, rather than one explaining emotion to another as we all have differences in emotion. Silver Surfer gives comics one of its greatest intellectual thinkers, the spacefaring Norrin Radd, and his forever-lost love, Shalla Bal. Perhaps the greatest morally-naive character in the history of literature itself, yet one with the biggest heart. My point is this...intelligent, well-written literature in any medium is best described as a mind-expansion experience sans the drug induced haze. It can broaden thought processes on particular subjects, you can travel to far-away galaxies on exploration of moral right and wrong on planetary scales, and introduce you to new sides of problems you've studied your entire life. Ignorance is bliss, true...but ignorance by choice is inexcusable, andwrong. Along with following God, another important task we are placed with is helping our brothers and sisters on this small blue sphere, and information on multiple topics is always a helpful thing.

Hopefully you've enjoyed this little rant...lemme know. G'night.

Love to all,

Heath

Issue 161- "A Return to Greatness, Part 1: Thoughts on the Symposium by Plato"

Heath P. Lail, writer/artist, proudly presents....

"A Return to Greatness (or the Storyarc Who Simply Would Not Wait), Part the First"

The Symposium tells of a meeting of great minds, who gather at the home of Agathon to discuss philosophical matters that interest them. Eryximachus is first to speak, noting that while he once found a well-written poem noting the greatness and multiple utilities of salt, he has found none that adequately discuss the grandeur of Love, supposed by ancients to be the oldest of the gods to appear.

Socrates answered thusly: he would not dispute Ery's comment, and he doubted that any others in attendance would either. Yet he wished to hold a round-table of sorts to listen to others opinions and speeches on the matter before himself commenting on the subject.

Phaedrus was to speak first. He began by noting Love's strengths and  importance, as evidenced by his status as first-born. He continues on, saying that love is the greatest thing that can happen to a young man and that love, both for others and self, should be the greatest of man's principles by which he lives and dies. For what man would not defend one he loves? Would not the most cowardly man become like a lion if his beloved was threatened? Love makes a man wish to lay his life down for those he loves, though others of closer blood might be in the same position, yet they choose not to act. Though Love itself is to be cherished, it is infinitely more valued to know that one is loved, rather than simply to know of Love's existence and be denied it. This was the speech of Phaedrus. 

This seems a wonderful speech, one that makes many valid points...the main thing I drew from this was that without Love, many things would be left unfinished--the drive to complete difficult tasks would be non-existent and people would simply give into despair. Anyone who has ever felt the love of another also must agree that the feeling of being loved by someone special to you is a feeling that is nigh indescribable. You can't tell others of this feeling...it is something that each of us must experience individually, and everyone describes it quite differently. For example, my explanation of this pure love would be like an early morning sunrise viewed from atop a hill of tall green grass, with the sleepy sun burning off the morning mist. Or perhaps it would be as holding the one you love on that same hill at night, searching the millions of stars and constellations for two that you might pluck from the sky and hold forever in your hearts. Or finally, it could be the ability to travel in that silent vacuum of space without any ship or form of propulsion--just the silence, the hugeness of the Void, and the feeling of floating on nothingness, looking at the bring twinkling dots that are all around. See, when even one human may have more than one view of how Love is described how many infinite numbers of descriptions must there be extant in the universe? Moving on...Pausanias continues thus--

He declares that there is more than one Love, and that Phaedrus should have more closely examined this duality of Love. One Love is Heavenly, and this comes from Aphrodite. The other Love is common, and is the daughter of Zeus and Dione. He continues on to say that actions in and of themselves are neither evil nor good. They must be put into context before they may be properly examined, and so must Love. Surely Love that is not noble and pure must not be admired? Only Love that comes from noble thoughts and actions must be praised by mortals...foolish beings who act with only a means to an end are not viewing Love in the correct context, for Love must be noble. It is essential to its being. This is like the Love of young boys--it is wildly powerful yet inexplicably dangerous in the end. The future of this Love is uncertain...it may be pure and noble or evil and corrupt. He continues to say that in other countries, some rulers see fit to discourage friendships or the bonding of two people through Love...for a people without bonds are much easier to rule than those whom feel a sense of camaraderie. I really like what he says here..."and this is the reason why, in the first place, a hasty attachment is held to be dishonorable, because time is the true test of this as of most other things; and secondly there is dishonor in being overcome by the love of money, wealth, or political power, whether a man is frightened into surrender by the loss of them, or, having experienced the benefits of money and political corruption, is unable to rise above their seductions."

I think this is a good place to stop...I will pick up here again hopefully tomorrow. Whew...no more four-post days though:) G'night.

H  

 

 

Issue 160- " Return to Greatness: Prelude"

Written, pencilled, inked by: Heath Parker Lail

Hey guys, my mind is just working away today so I thought I would drop one more issue off before turning in tonight. That will get me caught up from the two days I missed, plus one issue for today. "Return to Greatness" will be just that...a story that will return this title to its former glory, one not seen in a loooong time. It will be musings on a little bit of everything, but I will not be writing in quite the same style as Philosophy of Life; thus I was reluctant to name it POL 3. I do not know when the first issue will appear...I may wait until my folks go out of town Saturday, and begin Saturday night. I am going to take some prep time for this, as I want it to be entertaining to readers and fun to write. Therefore, it may not start until next week sometime. Hell, I might wake up during the night and have inspiration hit me, and start at 2:43 AM on 5/19/06....I just dunno.

Thanks for reading this, and your continued postings. I am going now, but keep on the lookout for "Return to Greatness, Part 1" sometime in the near future. Oh, look at the numbers...we're closing in on another anniversary issue...number 175. Hopefully something big will happen between now and then, and it will truly be a joyous occasion for all involved. If not, I'll just lie and make up something awesome for issue 200.  Take care

H

Issue 159- " Thoughts and Hopes"

Everything by: Heath

Hey folks, just thought I'd let you know I've got an interview coming up Monday...hopefully this will free me from TN CARD/FAN HQ. You know, I've had a helluva long run at my jobs. I worked at SF for 4 years, TN CARD for a little over 3 now, and if I get this job I'm working towards, I have it planned that I only need to work there for 2 years in order to save up enough for grad school. In almost ten years, that will be only 3 jobs. Funny ain't it? Most people hold at least 5-6 jobs in that time, yet I will barely hold 3. The only other person I know who seems to hold onto jobs as long as me is Sam. I think she worked at Sears for about three years, and I think she's been at Wal-Mart about three.

Anywho, pray for me that this interview goes well, so that I may move onwards and upwards to better jobs. More later...

H

 

Issue 158- "A Personal Message"

Written, pencilled, inked by: Heath P. Lail

I humbly apologize for my weakness in the face of mine ex. It is not very manly, this I understand; it does not make one feel manly to back down from one such as she time and again.

Thus, after considerable thought on the subject I reasoned that I am not afraid of her; nay, I am in actuality afraid of our memories, our times together. Those times were great to me, and it angers me still at how she treated me those last few months.

Still, it is time that my cowardice be buried, lest it cause you to look unfavorably upon me, as a friend, and also as a man. I apologize once again for my emotional shortcomings, and promise that I shall meet this destiny head-on, without fear, cowardice or malice...and I SHALL CONQUER IT ONCE AND FOR ALL. For life is not worth living if you must be afraid of living freely, unencumbered by fear and doubt at each new turn. May you rest well today, and know that my thoughts shall be with you, always dear friend.

Best,

H

Issue 157- "Bountiful blessing of books, Part 2"

Everything by: HPLL

I'm gonna keep things short tonight--I just wanna recommend a book I bought today, one which I read a few months back. It is The Historian by Elizabeth Kostova. It is a telling of one family's curse of continued dealings with Dracula, Lord of Vampires throughout multiple decades. It is written in a way that makes the action seem ultra-realistic, as though these supernatural events are occuring right in your own room, rather than in a world of fiction. If I had unlimited resources of wealth at my command, I would have immediately traveled to all the places talked about in the book upon finishing it months ago. It would have made for a rather intriguing Indiana Jones-style adventure, traveling to exotic locales in search of hidden treasures. It was truly a great winter read, one which makes you want to curl up under the blankets before proceeding.  In closing, I HIGHLY recommend it for anyone who wants to read something out of the ordinary. G'night, talk to you tomorrow night.

H

Issue 156- " A bountiful blessing of books"

Written, pencilled, inked by : Heath P. Lail

I'm settling back into this rather nicely...I might make it to 200 after all, hmm? Perhaps I should graduate more often; it has been a rather prosperous venture, as I have received a more-than-fair amount of gifts, both monetary and otherwise.

I received about 300 bucks or so from various benfactors, which has gone to gas, entertainment and multiple trade paperbacks of the 90s Neil Gaiman Sandman comic series. I received the last of my gifts earlier this evening, as my brother presented me with the first 6 volumes of Shelby Foote's well-acclaimed Civil War series, aptly titled The Civil War Vols. 1-9. My mother and father than suprised me with the remaining three volumes. All total, it clocks in at somewhere around 4,000 pages of Civil War history....I think I'll start Volume 1 tonight before bed. Afterwards, my friend Jonathan Nichols visited, presenting me with a new Transformers: Alternator, Prowl, who is modeled on the Acura RSX. It is painted in the style of a modern police car, and is amazingly detailed inside and out. Brian Mitchell's fiance' Crystal called to apologize for missing my graduation yesterday but explained that she worked until 2, so I told her it was no big deal. She then proved it true that I am a prophet of sorts...

Shauna and her husband are living in Red Banks, as he seemingly could not keep a job up north. See, I told everyone that she would be back by the end of May, and it is both humorous and odd that she would move back the night of my graduation. Oh well, she has made her bed...let her lie in it, quite literally.

On other notes, I just finished a great novel by Dean Koontz, entitled Forever Odd. It tells a second tale of Odd(his true first name)Thomas, a character with somewhat unusual powers; for one, Elvis Presley's ghost visits him often, among others. I highly recommend FO,  as well as the original title, Odd Thomas. They are off-beat detective stories that are rather humorous, more often than not. Odd sort of bumbles through his adventures, as would most normal folk.

Well, I think that is enough for tonight...I miss you all, love you and hope to see everyone soon. G'night.

H

Issue 155- " ...and after all, he collapses into a deep sleep;"

Written, pencilled, inked by: Heath Parker Lail

"one which is richly deserved." Hells yeah...

I graduated from Ole Miss. I'm an actual psychologist-in-training.

'Nuff said.

H

 

 

Issue 154- " Suprise, suprise!"

Everything by: Heath Parker Lail

Hullo again, everyone. It is good to be here again...in fact, it is good to be whole again, with no stress pushing down upon me. It feels good to not be "forced" to be anywhere at any given time...I haven't been this free since I graduated high school in 2000, and even then I was working a full schedule at Star Foods that summer, and started college in the fall so I guess I wasn't really free at all, huh? :) Thing is, I'm tired. Really tired...mentally, physically and spiritually, it took my all this semester to finish. If I had failed, I really don't think I could have gone on, knowing that I would have to face another semester of books, exams and long drives. There comes a time in all things we do, whether it be work or play, when we are simply tapped out and are running on fumes. I have been there for at least 6 months, if not longer. Now perhaps I may receive a full night's rest, one complete with rest, rather than simply lying in bed going over my faults as a friend and lover to those who count upon me daily rather than sleeping.

In fact, I think I will go ahead and turn in now, so that I am well-rested in the AM for my trip to Oxford, to drop off a library book and pick up my cap/gown. Thank you once again for all those who have stood behind me all these years, pushing me onward. Thank you Samantha for your years of friendship and love--would I could go back and love you as I might have, but alas simply 'twas not to be. I am happy for you though, as you have found one who showed you that love first, without multiple foolish mistakes. Should you not be able to attend the ceremony, I understand. You have other important obligations in your life currently, and I would not take you away from them though your presence will be sorely missed. Shauna, thank you for righting me on my path, though it was but only a short time of our entire time together. I did love you, and I wish you nothing but happiness though you tore my heart in half. May you find whatever it is you seek, child...and may God follow you in that search for without Him, none may survive one hour, much less a day or week. Brooke...there are no words for what you have done in my life. You have been an invaluable ally through multiple rough seas, and I trust your counsel to be sage and wise. May you find God one day, for once you do, your light will shine as a beacon in the darkest of nights. How I know this, you ask? Because you follow your heart and its desires 100 percent, and if you were to find God, you would follow Him 100 percent.  To all the others who have stood with me these years...a heartfelt thank you. God Bless and G'night.

H

Issue 153- "To All things must come...an End"

Written, pencilled, inked, lettered and colored by: Heath Parker Lail

Hey folks. If this was a monthly comic, it would have been cancelled long ago, with such big gaps between issues. But fret not, this is a true self-published venture, and though all things must come to an end, the end of this Journal is not nigh. I still plan to make it to issue 200, if not further, before ending this version of the Cafe in order to reboot. 47 issues an counting...

Anyway, the ending that is coming is my college career, version 1.0. My undergraduate studies in Psychology have been profound, confusing, and (sometimes modernly) wrong, but also intriguing, fascinating and rather informative. My studies in Political Science were mostly by default; I simply chose Poli Sci in order to declare SOME Minor course of study (my preferred course to Minor in would have been Philosophy, but alas I did not discover the true depths of the subject until far too late). Though many will call me crazy, I must say that I am saddened by the fact that Shauna will not be here to see this...my ultimate triumph over her attempts to water down my intellectual search for meaning and ultimately, the Secrets of the Universe. No, dear friends, lovers and colleagues, I do not want her back as my love, but I do wish she could see her own failure in utmost clarity. Enough of that, I refuse to be petty and hurtful--that whole thing was painful enough the first time around, without dredging up bad nightmares, which is what the whole four-year episode now amounts to in the grand scheme of my life.

Now I go in search of a job in which I can practice my people skills, and in search of a new love in my life. There are many girls whom I would wish to date, though a number of  them be currently unavailable...ah, such is life. No use crying over that which can never be yours. Currently I am crying tears of joy for my friend Samantha, who is now engaged to the man she believes to be the right one for her. They do make a nice couple, folks...you just have to see them. My best thoughts, prayers and wishes go out to them both in this joyous time, and may they love one another for years, sharing multitudes of great times together.  Now, it's MY TIME (as HHH might say)...I will find one who loves me, of that I have no doubt--I mean, as attractive and intellgent as I am, there must be some rocket scientist chick that gets hot thinking about crunching numbers at psychological tables with me, right? lol All jesting aside, I am not concerned about getting older, I just think that all these other people jumped the gun too early--love is like a fine wine, and sometimes a person must age for a while until they are the correct mixture of flavor and richness. Therefore, I think it is important that love is not to be rushed; instead it should be savored every single inch, just like a fine wine is lauded by critics until the final drop is tasted. ahh......it feels good to stretch my brain in thought again...there was a time I thought I could not think things such as this anymore--my thoughts were a jumbled mess, always jumping from one topic to the next, not taking in the beauty of a momentary glance or the grandness of sweet, sweet solitude. Now I intend to savor every minute of my new-found freedom, utilizing it the the maximum.

May God Bless you all tonight...I miss you all, and hope to see you again tomorrow night, at this same place. G'night.

Heath

Issue 152- "Who'da thunk it?"

Everything by: Heath

Hello, folks. I decided to take a few nights off, as I have had no real inspiration to write anything of interest. Do not fear though...this shall not become a once a month blog again...chew on this for tonight-- a poem for my friend Brooke. Not to be conceited or anything but I don't see how any woman would leave me when I can write poems like this...lol

Brooke Auston Alexus Mitchke

You've e'er been my best friend,

You've cared for me when I cried.

You've held me in thy embrace.

You've reminded me how people love me.

E'en though you are far away

Always you are in my heart.

Ne'er have you gone away,

Ne'er saw you fit to depart.

Ye know mine darkest secrets,

Ye know mine secret dreams...

Ye know how to make me smile

When things be not what they seem.

You've brightened up my future,

You've brightened up my heart.

May there ne'er be a day

When you seek to part.

Thy friendship means so much to me,

You'll never know my love

I hope you find the happiness

I sought to send you from above.

You're in my heart for'ermore

Ne'er more to roam,

If you hurt and need mine help

My heart will be thy home.

I will protect thee till I die,

Keep ye safe from harm.

Ye've taught me more than I might learn

From a million, million books--

Ye've loved me tho at times I wished to die.

You have been my rock, my conscience,

My want, my friend.

For that, I can ne'er repay thee in full.

May you be blessed ev'ryday

Though you may live a thousand years.

Heath Parker Lail, 2/16/06

Wasn't that inspiring? G'night folks...

 

Issue 151- "New Beginnings"

Everything by: HPL

Hey there folks. Hope everything is going all right out there....welcome to a new milestone--the 151st issue of Clerk's Cafe, version 2.0 Unlike the first CC, this model is just now getting it's second wind, rather than winding down.

I don't know about y'all, but I'm still just esctatic about the way things are going in my life. I told Brooke my good news tonight, and she jumped up and down, I heard it on the phone:) I'm glad I brought a smile to her face...she sounded like she is going through a rough time right now, please pray for her. You know, things just feel "right" now--like I said last night, I feel as though I've been in a rut for quite some time, and now I'm free! And it feels great!

I talked to John and Christi tonight at the Video Store and Jon grilled me on multiple topics, like Politics, Psychology and more. It was fun talking to someone who seems to really wanna hear what you have to say. Of course I spiced things up, like usual, by saying things such as "Well, I prefer to watch movements rather than talk to people. Listening to people does not give me the info I often need...instead, I find that by watching peoples' posture, speech patterns, gait and such, I find out much more about them than through simple conversation." That statement suprised ME...you know, I think I just discovered why I'm quiet so often. I guess I'm thinking, contemplating and learning as much as I can, rather than simply enjoying simple shop/small talk. I LOVE Psychology...you always keep learning new things about yourself. Every day truly is an adventure.

Well, I guess that's enough enlightenment for one night, hmm? I gotta tease you folks--if I give out all my secrets tonight, then there won't be any reason to read issues 152-200, will there?

Later,

H

Issue 150- "Happy Anniversary"

Written, pencilled, inked lettered and colored by : Happenin' Heath P. "Leonard" Lail

Hello folks. It's been a while, but Heath is now back in the saddle. I got the great news today that I passed my spanish 201 class with a D. Now I know most people would be upset, but I am estatic because D means passing, so I have passed one of my two required Spanish classes left before Graduation in May! Many moons have passed since I felt this good...almost a year has passed, I believe.

It is as though I have shifted out of first gear, and am now smoothly sailing along the Oceanside Highway out in California...sun on my back, pedal to the floor and sweet music on the dial. How could it get better than this you ask? The addition of a beautiful woman by my side...but patience, my young learners, patience. I will take things one step at a time, careful not to get too far out of stride. I have to thank God for this, because I know I could not have done this thing without His help. I know that, and I intend to change my ways...everything. I will be the man He wants me to be, rather than the person who I have fought to keep...the Earthly "Heath" that I thought I wanted to be, thanks to Shauna and many others. I now realize how wrong I've been, and I promise that I shall do everything in my power to right that mistake.

I'm enjoying my Oceanside cruise right now....just enjoying not being crushed under so much weight any more. My work is only half over, but I now see the end approaching, and I know what is expected of me, and I will act accordingly. I...I don't know what to say except...

"It's great to be back".

No more second guessing, no more being shy about things, no more being quiet...it's full speed ahead now, and I plan on enjoying the rest of the ride to "(hopefully) the top. Thank you all for being my guides, my friends, my lovers and everything else you've given me over the years...without your support, Satan and Shauna's influences would have drug me under so far that I simply drowned under the weight of it all, but now I am able to rise above it, lifting the weight off with God's supreme help.

It's great to be back.

H

 

 

Issue 149- "Philosophy FOR Life Part 2"

Written, pencilled, inked: Heath Parker Lail

I've been blessed with introspection again. Oddly enough, it comes from the same space....I'm checking out the tail end of the Butterfly Effect on the Starz free weekend. In the course of this, I've come to realize that there are some seemingly cruel jokes played upon us during life in various situations. In these situations, we play our parts as well as can be expected, living our lives the best we can, yet things we really want seem to slip through our fingers no mater how tight we may hold on.

For example, I now understand that no matter how much you would give up for someone, if their heart is not in it, nothing could change the outcome that came to pass. there was a time when I would have given anything at all away in order to ensure my continued happiness with Shauna (and others as well...well, at least Sam, looking back on things now), but now I see that nothing I could have done would have changed the outcome, perhaps just delayed it. More to come later.... 

 

Issue 148- "Philosophy FOR Life"

Written, pencilled, inked : Heath Parker Lail

Hello friends,

Introspection is both a immeasuarably important part of human culture, and simultaneously, a damnable curse...one which I would be done with, if possible. Unfortunately, some things remain too poignant in one's life to simply be forgotten or erased, even by sheer willpower. I find myself in such a state of introspection this night, against my will I might add. Though in reality I am a single individual, I have been shackeled far too long with an indescribable grief off one lost to me. Looking back is one thing that a person must learn not to do, if he or she ever hopes to live a productive life, or at least an unimpeded one. Yet because of the curse of introspection, time and time again I find myself, much as I'm sure all humans do, looking back upon events in the past, and seeing faults that were invisible at the time, yet clearly plain upon second or third, or perhaps one thousandth inspections. Tonight I believe that curse of introspection has served me a blessing as well as a curse. It has provided me with a simple truth that many have told me over the months and years, and it is advice that I myself have dispensed to those in need of its balm upon occassion--the fact that the past is just that, and there is no changing it.

I mean to say, that one may look fondly upon certain times in his or her life, and see happiness, or perhaps in a different situation they may see the darkest of days, some fact or action they may wish to erase from memory for all time, should they live forever. One must learn that if it were possible to tamper with what was in order to change what could be, most likely irreparable damage to all involved would be the likeliest liklihood to occur. Therefore, we must be content to hurt, laugh or cry for a time, then look upon these days only as history in one's personal movie of life, and not take them to heart such that it inflicts pain upon the rest of their lives. I know many friends whom I've counseled over the years in this very situation, yet I missed the cues in mine own life. Therefore, one must always be vigilant that the dreaded "What if?..." does not pervade deeply into the daily thought processes, lest hours be lost on simple wishing, longing or crying, which produces a great sense of catharsis to the person for a time, but in fact produces nothing more than additional baggage onto their already heavily-laden back.

The thingthat pushed me into this state of personal distress was the movie "the Butterfly Effect". In the movie, the main character longs to resurrect long-forgotten romantic interests, doing far more permanent damage in the process. He thusly attempts to rectify his situation by "going back" and changing certain aspects of the whole, which disrupts the natural flow of time and causes each new "adventure" to be more bleak than the last; in addition, each disruption of the natural flow causes irrepairable damage to the original, eventually leading him to do something drastic in order to ensure that original situation never occurs. I myself have personally had thoughts of these "heroic fantasies", in which I place myself in various situations where I seek only to help the person whom I miss greatly, yet WITHOUT FAIL, SOMETHING always turns sour, and things are made worse for my interference. This movie has made me realize that were I to "go back" a thousand times, the outcome would either be exactly the same as my current situation, or perhaps made worse by my hand. Therefore, it is best to simply forget the pain this situation has caused me, and move on from it, forging ahead to greater glory and eventual success as a professional psychologist, and perhaps a comic book writer or novelist as well. I consider the lesson learned this evening an important one, and one which should not be taken lightly. That lesson is this--

IF YOU LOVE SOMEONE, THEN GIVE IT YOUR ALL, LOVE AS DEEPLY AS YOU WISH, BUT IF THINGS ARE NOT TO BE, THEY WILL NOT WORK. THERE IS NOTHING THAT CAN CHANGE THAT FACT. IF THE ONE WHOM YOU ARE SMITTEN WITH NO LONBGER LOVES YOU, OR CHOOSES ANOTHER, THEN IT IS ABOVE WHAT ANYONE SAVE GOD CAN DO TO CHANGE THEIR HEART. KNOW THIS...YOU HAVE DONE ALL YOU CAN, AND THERE IS NO REASON TO DWELL ON "WHAT IF?..." OR HOW THINGS COULD HAVE BEEN. YOU MUST NOT ALLOW THIS TO STOP YOU FROM LOVING DEEPLY, AS IT IS THE ONLY TRUE LOVE. LOVE WITHOUT FULL SUPPORT FROM ONE'S HEART IS LOVE NOT WORTH THE EFFORT, AND LOVE NOT WORTH MOURNING. LOVE WITH ALL YOUR HEART AND BEING, OR NOT AT ALL. TELL THOSE WHOM YOU LOVE HOW YOU FEEL DAILY, AS THERE MAY NOT BE ANOTHER CHANCE TO SHOW THEM YOUR AFFECTION. ONLY THOSE WHO RESPOND POSITIVELY TO THIS AFFECTION ARE WORTH PURSUING...ALL OTHERS ARE WORTHLESS AND BELOW YOU.  

Love your God, your self, and others deeply, and do not stop for anything, nor anyone. If someone tells you that you are wrong for this, then they are little more than a damned fool, and you are all the wiser for this knowledge, as you should no longer associate with them. Love deeply, love passionately...take a long moonlit walk with the one you love, and never forget to show them that they are special, every single day you shall live. Most importantly, never forget those whom have stood by you through trials, and heed their advice...more often than not, it is sage advice, and it will save you much heartache later if you heed it now.

Love to you all, may you all be blessed beyond your worth,

Heath    

Issue 147- "Philosophy of Life 2, Part 3"

Written, pencilled, inked lettered and colored by: Heath P. Lail

....I don't know what to say except I've just had a bit of Divineness touch me...I have realized what I must do, what needs to go in my life, and what I need to do in order to get there. Watch out, kids....Mr. Lail is back in the saddle! Good times are here again! No more mopey, no more crying no more sloughing through each day....this feels great. I love you all...g'night. My potential is about to open up full throttle--a place I haven't been at since losing Sam in favor of Heather all those years ago ( a HORRIBLE error in judgement), excacerbated by 4 years of dullness and non-personal intellectual growth under Shauna...and boy does it feel great to be back. Yessssss! The Re-Birth of Heath happens here, hold on to your hats!   

 

Issue 146- "Fill-In"

Written, pencilled, inked: HPL

g'night folks...I'm turnin in early so I can get my mind ready for Spanish in the AM. Wish me luck, folks....I gotta get it done now or never. This is my last shot--I have to make it count, and I promise you...I WILL.

 

Issue 145- "Philosophy of Life 2, Part 2"

Written, pencilled, inked by: HPLL

Hullo folks. Decided against the double blog posts, so PoL2 will continue here for the forseeable future. Tonight I ask a simple question...have you ever felt like something was missing from your life? That seems to be the question posed in Silver Surfer #140, part 1 of Sun Rise, Shadow Fall.

It re-presents the origin of the Surfer, who started life as a humanesque person named Norrin Radd. Norrin never felt like he has completed his full destiny, even though he was a highly successful businessman on his planet Zenn-La and has the girl of his dreams, Shalla Bal. He seeks to see the wonders of the Unending Universe, to visit the light of stars billions of miles away, to hear the song of the Galaxies. Though the technology of Zenn-La can let Radd visit "the Stars", he knows in his heart that it is not real, only illusion, and he still feels less than full. Once the world destroyer Galactus comes to devour Zenn-La, Norrin calls out to him and in turn gets changed into the emissary of Galactus, the Silver Surfer. Covered in a silver substance that makes him impervious to space and its rigors, he is now finally free to explore the uncharted reaches of space and fufill his destiny!  Though he loses his precious Shalla Bal, he gained everything else he ever desired.

Some days I feel as though I am waiting for my own Galactus "event" to explode my destiny forward. Do any of you ever feel as though you've reached your ceiling and that there is a necessary person/thing/event that you must experience in order to fufill your dreams? I feel that every day I wake up....I'm in a waiting room right now, waiting for that specific event that will propel me to the top. Hopefully we will all sleep well tonight, and wake up in the morning ready to find our own destiny, no longer waiting for it to fall into our laps. The lesson tonight is this...we must all reach out and grasp our own destiny...no one can prepare it for us, nor can anyone excel in our place. We must all reach for the stars of our own dreams, and never forget to thank those who helped us succeed in our goals. Remember kids, even our ex-friends and enemies have helped us, by providing the push necessary to show them they were wrong, and let them see exactly what they missed out on being a part of....something special or not.

Good night, and good luck

Heath

 

 

 

Issue 144- "Philosophy of Life 2, Part 1"

Written, pencilled, inked by Heath P. Lail

Hullo, everyone. It's been quite a while, has it not? Well, I have been through many twists and turns these last few months, and I have to say I'm stronger for them. I have missed speaking to you all on a semi-regular basis...CC v 2.0 is up and running at my newly-created blogspot, but Sam refused to post there because it requires an account before you can comment. Fair enough. Therefore with this, the returning issue of Clerk's Cafe, I make my other blog required reading in order to get the entire experience of reading my thoughts. For example, I am starting the rather ambitiously-titled POL 2 here this evening. In order to read Part the Second, it will be necessary to visit http://hplail.blogspot.com/. Should there be a part 3, part 4, etc. I will caddy-corner the stories from one blog to the other. Therefore, I hope to increase the readership of BOTH blogs, and force people to begin their own daily blogs in order to express their own feelings about important natural and national occurances. Well, with that bit of housekeeping out of the way, let's begin, shall we? I've missed doing this, as I haven't blogged over at 2.0 in over two weeks until today, either.

My question to you is this: do you ever take the time to wonder what would happen if you lost everything? I'm not simply speaking about friends or family, but everything you ever worked for, dreamed about, or pursued? No? It is not easy to see things that way, is it? well, the image above is from Miracleman issue 16, from 1990, and that is exactly what happened to him. This series was written by Alan Moore and issues 11-16 were drawn by John Totleben, the same fellow who drew that spectaular cover you are looking at. Alan took a simple knock-off of Captain Marvel, who was in turn spawned from Superman, and crafted one of the most humanistic, poignant tales ever told in the medium. This discussion is not about comics, but let me tell you why Miracleman fits into our everyday society--he was a Superman who didn't KNOW he was Superman. All he had to do was utter Kimota (atomic spelled backwards and with a k) and he became the world's strongest superhuman. BUT he had forgotten this simple step to stardom and instead works a day job, just like us blokes. Well, one day he has this horrible migraine, and by pure incident utters Kimota. Pow, everything is great huh? Superpowers, no more problems right? Not so. Instead, he gets a call from Johnny Bates, his former kid sidekick, who has grown up to be a powerful and influential man. Instead of being happy at his former boss's return, he is vengeful because he plots to destroy the world and his pal might screw that up. Well, to make a long story short, Bates has stayed in his superhuman persona for the last few years, never reverting back to the mild-mannered kid he truly is. This has caused his brain to malfunction (real Psychology term, huh...lol) and he has gone insane. He attempts to kill Mike Moran aka MM, and threatens his wife and the ones he loves. In the end, Bates undoes himself by speaking HIS magic word, reverting him back to a kid and MM thinks all is well after taking Johnny to a mental hospital.

The point I'm trying to make is not that there are superpowered baddies out there, no. The point is that we should all be grateful for what we have and stop being materialistic. Stop being so busy, life isn't that important. Instead, go out under the stars and look up...do you ever still just wonder what's out there, or do scientific explanations about gases, nebulas and other such things make you go "ohhh, I got it all now". If so, then snap out of it. You don't get it, not at all...none of us do, nor will we ever. Philosophy is nice, but Philosophy, Science and Psychology together will never explain why it is that a kid gets a sense of wonder when he looks up at the night sky, rides his first Ferris Wheel, or falls in love for the first time. Those are things we must cherish in our own hearts, or risk the chance that those experiences will be taken away by a corrupt society. In the end, Bates escapes, becomes Kid Miracleman again, and murders a good number of citizens of London (where it rains human body parts, people are hung by barbed wire and worse) before he is stopped by Miracleman.

The title of issues 11-16 is "Olympus", like the mountain home of the Greek gods. I have so far (and at great expense) only procured issues 13 and 16, the elusive issue 15 where the main battle takes place shall never be mine anytime soon due to cost and rarity. But these issues have taught me a good moral...seek to live in peace with those around you, seeing always to learn and grow, never to destroy. Destruction unto others leads only to heartarche and suffering for yourself as well. So, the next time you get a few minutes or hours to go outside and silently gaze up at the sky, I suggest you do so, because it might just teach you something. Listen, and perhaps you might learn some divine knowledge or a universal truth through silence, rather than speech, such as our forefathers did millenia ago. May Peace be with you all tonight. Best.

   

Issue 143

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Issue 142

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