Well, I just got through talking to Samantha. It was a rather one sided conversation until I brought up the fact that her nephew uttered the statement that she was getting dressed to go on a date with me last night. We have recently discussed just being friends, and I figured that she would get a chuckle out of this, but instead she became deadly serious, and I'm not sure why. I was just making a comment that I found odd in the delivery of its timing, but she took it to mean that I saw more into it than what was there. At least that is what I think she was thinking. I have moved on from Samantha because she doesn't want me as a lover, but just as a friend. I told her the other night that I am fine with whatever she is comfortable with, as long as I can maintain at least a casual friendship with her. I really like hanging out with Samantha....she makes me laugh, and we enjoy at least some similar hobbies, she is just fun to be around. It seems that my spirits are risen just be being around her. I can't figure out why she is so pissed at me. Maybe she doesn't want to be my friend because she thinks she has hurt me, but I am happy just to be friends. Maybe she doesn't care that she hurt me, but it hurts her to be around me. I dunno anymore. I just want her to be happy...that is all I've ever wanted. Y'know I've got to be frank with you too Sam...I loved you, yes that is true, but I could tell from the last few months that you were treating me differently than in the past. You were distant, you will not hold a serious conversation about your feelings with me anymore(like tonight, when you ducked out), and you just didn't seem interested in being very close to me anymore. It hurt me when you kissed me about two months back that night when you were drinking, but when I asked you the next night for a goodnight kiss, you told me "I'm not drunk tonight". Do you know how that made me feel? I knew then you didn't want me. I just ignored it. I tried harder....I came over and rode four-wheelers, effectively blinding me for the next twenty-four hours because of my allergies. But you know what, I had a helluva time that night. That was the most fun I'd had in about two or three years. I have to thank you for that...it felt great. I noticed it when you watched movies over at Brian and Jess's...when you invited Dustin and Morgan, then put them in between you and I in order to discourage me from getting too close to you. I noticed all this, but I cared about you enough that I wanted to at least be your friend, if nothing else. As long as you and I could hang out, that was the most important thing. Because I had a great time with you. I still want to hang with you, but if you don't feel comfortable being around me, just tell me. It won't hurt my feelings as much as it does when you are short with me and I don't understand why. Please tell me what I've done wrong, and how I can fix our friendship. Later.
H
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