Issue 85- "Finality"

Words, Pics, Inks: Heath Parker Lail

It is with great shame, pain, and dishonor that I once again leave this small cafe in the hands of others. I feel about two inches tall right now, because I have hurt my dearest friend in the worst way. Samantha House no longer  wants to be my friend, nor am I anything at all to her. She has shut me out of her life. This time I believe it is permanent. She told me last night that she would block my e-mails, IMs, and delete my number from her cell phone, as well as restrict me from reading her blog Journal anymore. That she has already done...I am not sure how much else of those things are done, but I just wish I could sit down and talk to her face to face about the problems that we had. Instead, she chose to leave me to fend for myself here...leaving me without a confidant that I really enjoyed having for many years. Samantha and I have been through a great deal together over the some-odd 5 years that we have known each other, and I was hoping that our friendship would never end, although our actual relationship ended long ago. Losing her was a blow to my morale, and my drive that pushes me to do better, because she acted as though those times when I tried to help her, I had instead tried to boss her. She didn't feel that way about our hours-long phone conversations when we were having them. She was very appreciative of my help then, but something has changed within her. I don't think she wanted to be my friend anymore, because she pushed me to try and answer questions that I did not have an answer for, then said that I got angry and avoided the line of questioning, saying that I had a dark side. That is true, we all have a dark side, but my responses were simply because when Shauna and I went to Wal-Mart last night, she looked at Grandparents Day cards, and that made me think about my Papaw, whom I still miss dearly. Samantha dredged that up in her questioning, making me cry my eyes out because I was exhausted from being up since 5:30 Friday morning, and here it was, like 12:30 Saturday morning. I was in a lot of pain, but I knew that she did not want to be my friend anymore when, instead of comforting me, she instead turned cold and simply said that I was preaching to the choir, she had the same pain. I leave for work now, but I shall expand upon this blog later tonight or perhaps tomorrow.

I return, to finish my comments here. Samantha, you are a good person as well, and I wish you the best in life, but I simply wish you wouldn't have left me with so many unanswered questions. Why did you leave me here in the manner you did? Was I not always there in your time of need, ever since I realized that you were too good of a friend to throw away, regardless of the consequences from Shauna or anyone, for that matter? You have changed as well as I...you used to listen to counsel and advice but now you stubbornly plod ahead, living by your own philosophies about how life is. It hurt me when you told me your secret...it made me feel inferior as a man. I felt like, "I was turned down for...that?" I sought to be nothing but a gentleman to you, and you returned the favor by hurting me like that. I was still your friend, that much is true, but I was really bewildered by why you would take such a drastic action. Gotta go..more later