To have loved and lost

Well, my friends, I've done it now....I have killed my friendship with Samantha. "The Conversation" finally happened last night, and although it looked as though perhaps we could be friends, the discussion evetually turned wayyy far south, and now I don't think Sam will wany anything to do with me. I miss her. I miss her as a love, but I miss her friendship more than anything. I felt that I could tell her anything, and my confidance would never be broken. I now feel empty inside, kinda like a hollow shell, because sometimes, it was her spark that kept me motivated to strive on when it seemed like every other candle had been extinguished and my battle was futile. She listened to me, something no one else has ever been willing to do. She alone understood the pain I felt with Papaw's passing...we were soul mates. And I think, even if we never talk again, we are still soul mates. Sam, you know me like no other, and even though we don't have those great four hour phone conversations anymore, I still know you pretty damn well. I know that you didn't mean to hurt anyone in this friendship we had...and I never meant to hurt you. I just thought that if we gave it one more try, it could work, because we  have both matured since trying our relationship out over four years ago. We had become closer to understanding each other than we ever were before, and perhaps I mistook a friendly caring for true love. You were and are very special, and there will always be a place in my heart for you. Please forgive me for making you cry...I never intended to upset you last night. I just wanted to be frank with you. 100 percent honest with you, because you deserve no less than that. I'm going to get ready to go over to Southaven now, to get my tires and oil done, but I hope that we can somehow salvage this friendship, and get through this. Please don't let this friendship lie on the ground, shattered into a million pieces. Not for either of our sakes, because you told me last night that you don't "see me like that", but I don't see our friendship dying like this. I hope you have a good day at work, and I will still drop LOTR off after work tomorrow if you want....just let me know, ok?  I miss you...

Heath